Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I Guess We’re Not Polygamists

My husband and I have been renting Big Love from Netflix. We don’t have cable, but thanks to Netflix we have half a clue about the world of television – or maybe just a quarter of a clue. A while back we watched Sex and the City and when I was almost to the final episode I was screeching to my girlfriend on the phone, “Oh my God, did you see it yet?”

And she said, “Um – yeah – I saw it like eight years ago when everybody else saw it.”

I had no idea it was that old and I was talking to everyone I knew about it like it was the greatest new thing since peanut butter.

Anyway, enough raunchy random sex already, and back to polygamy. Big Love is still being produced so we’re only like two or three seasons behind I think – which is an improvement over 8 years behind, however slight.

At the very beginning of the very first episode it shows Bill, first thing, getting the cold shoulder from each wife as he gets dressed. My husband shook his head and said, “Ah, lucky guy – instead of just one woman pissed off at him while he’s trying to get ready to go to work in the morning, he has three women pissed off at him while he’s trying to get ready for work.”

I’m sure that even if that sounds like a comment on the disposition of his own wife, he didn’t mean anything personal by it. Or maybe, pretty sure – surely no one has ever accused her of being a “morning person.”

“So you don’t think it’s time to add a new wife to the family then?” I asked.

Because really – I was thinking, maybe I could use a wife around here. Someone else in the house who would just notice it’s time to run the vacuum without being asked, and the kids are always begging for a little sister – how fun might that be to have a daughter to whom I didn’t have to give birth and for whom I’m not primarily responsible. But then, as I told my husband, we'd want her to be smarter than the average fence post, and what are the odds a smart tidy woman would marry us?

But on the show they do it all wrong. Why do they each have their own house? What is the benefit to sharing the man if you still have to clean your whole house all by yourself? So in the end, I think what I’m really after is just a housekeeper – or an anal-retentive roommate might work too. As for my husband, evidently I do a fabulous job of making sure he gets all the pouting a man needs. Hey, I aim to please.

In other love, last year at BlogHer a woman stood up and said, “I write ‘I am Bossy,” and Mom101 said, “And she’s funny!” an endorsement which should have prompted me to check her out, but no. I just found her a few weeks ago. So now you can all roll your eyes and say, “uh yeah, we’ve been reading Bossy since 1966, Dumbass.” I know. But for my readers who are tragically un-hip, like me, it’ll take you roughly two weeks of ignoring your life to catch up, and she’s totally worth it.


Mom101 said...

Maybe we can do a timeshare on that wife?

Think about it.

(And Bossy remains hilarious.)

Mary Alice said...

Bossy is a hoot isn't she?

But back Big Love...which I am also catching up on via NetFlix...I thought the same thing. Why all the different houses? Does this not defeat the whole purpose of having sister wives?? I would love about four brother husbands. I want the brother husbands, so two can earn the money, one can fix things and do the yard, and the fourth can attend to my.. ahem.. needs. It could be a rotational schedule.

landismom said...

Count me in for the wife time share.

Hell, if she'd just pick up the kids from school while I'm at work, I'd deal with the vacuuming!

Boudicca said...

I am always behind on things,too. But I am caught up on Big Love! Go me!

There are so many things about Big Love that bother me. I know...he's trying to be successful and mainstream and "normal" AND be a polygamist but sheesh. The excess kills me!

Jill said...

We could use a spare wife around here too.

I do the exact same thing with TV. I was also five years too late on SITC, and a year behind Big Love. Let me recommend that you check out Arrested Development, now that it's been cancelled.

kevin said...

I have always been intrigued by the idea of a mail order bride. The only difficulty would be that the two of us wouldn't speak the same . . . Hey, wait a minute!

cce said...

We do the same thing around last year's episode and feel so excited and chatty about some program, like The Wire or The Shield or Rome that everyone else is just kind of over.
And I've been saying for years that I need a wife. I'd gladly live with her while the husband inhabited the house next door, free to roam around in hos own filth.

Anjali said...

I have actually given my husband suggestions on who I'd love him to marry and bring to our household. Really, if someone did all the housework - I wouldn't even be jealous of sharing my husband!

I just discovered Bossy recently, too. Better late than never!

Staci Schoff said...

These comments are cracking me up! I wonder if Craigslist has a "wives seeking additional wives" section...

fudgelady said...

Another "Sex and the City" fan! A couple of years ago, I started renting it and watched clear through to the end. I loved the friendship among the four women and would have enjoyed hangin' with them at the restaurant. (Hope the movie measures up!)

Haven't seen "Big Love," but would be up for a group rate on that wife... :-)

BrentD said...

Cable is overrated. So is hiding from multiple outbreaks of PMS every month.

But..if we had a really sturdy lock on the knife drawer....