After all I learned about search engine optimization at BlogHer, I just felt I needed to share this story. So I’ve mentioned before that a very long time ago, I posted here my opinion of Jimbob and Michelle Duggar – for no actual reason, I was just thinking about them that day. I’ve also mentioned that I get at least half of my google visitors to this site as a result. It’s amazing how many googlers are looking for these people.
So, as you may have heard, Michelle gave birth to her 17th child and I had ten times the number of page views as I usually do on that day. Ten. Times. Not exaggerating. And it wasn’t even planned or anything, as I didn’t know anything about SEO back then.
But now that I know, I’m thinking of dropping Michelle a line and asking her if she’d consider weaning her “buddy” early this time around and give Jimbob some sex already – so she can hurry up and squeeze out number eighteen. Hey, I need the Google hits – help a sister out.
Oh, I know – that’s not nice. But it’s much nicer than the things many of my commenters say about them. Although Louis did say that “it would be nice if all women would just stay home and have children and let men support them.”
Um – nice for whom, Louis?
And then there are the people who say they hope the Duggars get struck by lightening or something (which you know I don’t approve of – Dear God, I do not ever wish anything bad on anyone else, net even the Duggars. Amen.)
But my favorite is someone who is clearly young, and clearly has never had children. She said, and I quote, “I’d have 17 kids if I got a free washer and dryer too.”
To her I will go out on a limb and attempt to speak for all motherkind when I say, Sweetheart I would throw myself in front of a speeding locomotive for the two kids I’ve got, but all the free washers and dryers in the universe would not convince me to have 17 of them.
There are all kinds of reasons someone might have 17 children – if she thinks God requires it, if her husband wants to and she can’t refuse him, if she feels fulfilled by doing so, if try though she might she just can't seem to figure out how that whole "birth control" thing works, if she’s mentally ill, etcetera. But no woman would have 17 kids in exchange for a washer and dryer. Ever. Logistically speaking alone, it’s much much easier just to pack up your 4 kids and go to the laundromat. Not to mention how much you have to go through to get to that point – as in how many years she had 13 or 14 or 15 kids and no free washer and dryer even to help her out.
This comment got me thinking about the dumb things people who don’t have kids say. Well, everyone says dumb things I guess, but I know that my friends who don’t have children do not understand what it is like to raise children. They believe they do, but they don’t. I know this because I’ve been a person without children. It’s different. It’s not the same. You do not know what it’s like if you haven’t done it. And one day this commenter will be at home with her three kids and she’ll think to herself, Oh my God what an idiot I must have sounded like saying that on the internet!
But that’s okay. I’m sure she’s not really an idiot. Just another person who’s attempting to speak to an experience she’s never had. Everyone does this on various topics all the time. In fact, I’m in the midst of an argument with a journalist who has accused me of doing so. He’s informed me that I am very very wrong - nay woefully ignorant, in my belief that journalists and the media affect public opinion, and I should (and I quote) “do my research” before I attempt to debate the topic with him.
(Research being done – and so far I’m still correct.)
So in the spirit of research and having an informed opinion, I'm offering a free washer and dryer to anyone who wants to have seventeen kids. Any takers?