The other day there was a news headline that said, “Trading Chores for Sex?” And my husband joked that he was going to read it to find out what tricks I use to get him to do housework… so he could use it to his advantage and get out of helping around here.
But I informed him that I actually don’t trade sex for chores. Back in the day when I was desperately waiting for him to come home and hold the baby for seven minutes so I could take a shower, things were different. I sort of felt like I had the raw end of the deal. But these days, with both kids potty-trained and in school part time, it's actually pretty nice to be me, so I don't really mind doing the dishes alone after dinner.
He was annoyed by the article anyway, because as he put it, "What the hell? Do chicks not want to have sex and they only do it begrudgingly in return for household labor?"
And I said, "of course not." It’s resentment that makes a woman not want to have sex. If she’s been working until 10:00 at night cleaning, cooking, and dealing with the kids, while he’s been laying around on the couch doing nothing, then the last thing she’s going to want to do is have sex with him at the end of all that. Not because she doesn’t like it, but because she’s resentful toward him for having to do all the work.
Should Eminem… Ahem! I mean, Denzel Washington show up, well then she might feel differently. What's not to understand?
"Yeah," my husband said, "for a guy it’s totally different. If a guy feels like he has to do all the work and all she does is sit around being useless and lazy, he’ll be thinking, I at least better get laid."
Ah… News I can use! Now next time he comes home from work and asks, “Do you know why all of our shoes and butter knives are piled up on top of the kitchen table?”
And I look up from the computer in a blog-induced fog and say, “Um… no, but I know what Dooce had for breakfast this morning,” I won’t bother feeling guilty... And he thought he was going to trick me.
Here’s hoping no one stops by unannounced while I’m blog-surfing and eating bon-bons all hours of the day from now on…