Saturday, July 29, 2006

Staci Does... Er, I Mean, Takes On Ann Coulter

I responded to an Ann Coulter interview and excerpt from her new book at Blogcritics today.

Oh no... sorry if you have to clean vomit off your keyboard now, I should have warned you.

Please come read and comment at "Biblical Studies 101: Required Coarsework for Ann Coulter."

Ann Coulter goes for the joke, the facts be damned, as a matter of course, but judging from this interview and excerpt from her new book Godless: The Church of Liberalism, she really outdoes herself on that score this time around. She asserts that to be a “right-winger” is to be “on the side of God,” and to be liberal is the “opposition party to God.” Not that she’s trying to be a drama queen or anything. But let’s see if she has any evidence to back up that statement.

For starters, in the Bible there are 613 commandments recognized by Jews, ten (plus) of those are followed by Christians, but there are only two commandments at the Church of Ann Coulter (and her right-wing posse):

1. Subdue the earth, have dominion over it, and use it up as quickly as possible.

2. Don’t be a fag.

As for the other pesky 611 commandments, like “don’t kill” and “don’t bear false witness?” Hey, let the Jews and the Godless liberals worry about all that nonsense. Those aren’t really conducive to calling for the random “nuking” of various countries just for the sheer “fun” of it, so we won’t go there.

In the interest of fairness, I should admit, that I simply don’t like Ann Coulter, and it has little to do with her right-wing positions (I have an inner-right-winger myself, truth be told). The reason is I just don’t care for a woman (and I’m using the term loosely here) who makes a great living running around trying to convince other women that God wants them to stay home, shut up and multiply. Does He really? Yeah? Well then, how about you first, Ann.

In the same vein, she goes on to say that the legalization of birth control for married couples inevitably led to the AIDS crisis. Now here’s where I get particularly annoyed, because do you suppose that she runs around dressed like she does, drinking and smoking all hours of the night in bars, and is a fifty year old virgin? Highly unlikely. So unless she just happens to have been infertile, she should thank those useless old windbags of the Supreme Court for ensuring her right to be as slutty as she wants to be. And then she should shut up about it. Really.

An important thing the Godless liberals believe is that corporations should not be making obscene profits at the expense of their employees and the environment. Evidently Ann thinks God disagrees and the real villains are the lawyers who make money filing lawsuits that hold corporations accountable. In her own words:

"Halliburton helps produce the oil and gasoline that keep us warm, feed us, allow us to travel, power our world, and so on. What do trial lawyers produce again?"

Sure, I understand the point, but it begs the question, what does Ann Coulter produce again? Venom? Hatred? Gee, thanks Ann… I was worried we wouldn’t have enough of that to go around.

Here’s another “fact” according to Coulter: “Environmentalists want mass infanticide.” I looked high and low to verify this, but neither the Green party, nor the Democrats list “mass infanticide” as a goal. It’s not stated as a goal by Greenpeace or the United Nations either. For the love of Mike, even the over-the-top nuts at PETA don’t advocate infanticide. So just who are these “liberal environmentalists” of whom she speaks? Oh yeah, that Peter Singer guy, whose pretty much universally understood to be an extremist lunatic, even among the Godless. Sorry Ann, hire a fact checker already.

But she does have her moments, like in this instance where she’s lamenting the possible outcomes of approaching life without a Bible:

"Without this fundamental understanding of man’s place in the world, we risk being lured into misguided pursuits, including bestiality, slavery, and PETA membership."

Now I can’t say this sentence didn’t make me laugh. It did. Ann Coulter’s a good joke writer, I have to give her that. But evidently she missed the passages from the “Old Testament” wherein God explains how to properly treat one’s slaves. Ooops.

Like all of her other work, this book seems to have plenty of anti-Islamic overtones and outright slurs. Her callousness toward all the other people who suffer at the hands of Islamic fundamentalism (like, oh, Muslims for instance) might be easier to take if I didn't know a Muslim family in Lebanon who’ve been evacuated and (gasp) they’re nice and normal people. And they only hope to go home, and live in peace just like any other innocent refugee would. We’re not playing Battleship here Ann… we’re killing innocent people. At random. For no good reason. Last I checked, according to the “Old Testament” God frowns on that sort of thing.

Another charming factoid a la Ann:

"We say humans are in God’s image; they say we are no different morally from the apes."

Hmmm… I’ve never met one person, no matter how anti-religion they are, who would agree with this. Where I usually tend to differ with non-religious people is on the source, nature and relativity (or lack thereof) of morality, not whether (or not) humans have a responsibility to the world that is greater than that of apes.

Another problem with your big conspiracy theory Ann? According to adherents, 31 percent of Americans claim to be Democrats, while atheists and agnostics combined make up less than one percent of the population. But that’s okay. A lot of people aren’t good at math, so I’ll let you slide on that one. Just rest assured there are a whole lot of crazy liberals out there working to please God. The big challenge here for you is to try not to confuse “pleasing God” with “pleasing Ann.”

In other words, let me break it down for you Ann… it’s not that most of us liberals no longer look to God, we’re just too embarrassed to admit it to anyone, lest they say, “Oh… so you mean you’re one of those idiots like Ann Coulter.” It’s nearly an exercise in futility to explain over and over again why faith and intelligence can, in fact, co-exist, when you, George Bush Jr., and Pat Robertson are the most prominent examples of “religious” people we have to work with.


Jill said...


(See, Liberals can pray too)

Wendy said...

"Mass infanticide?"

How'd she find out that mass infanticide is part of my devious plot for world domination?

moonstruckmama said...

Great post!! Coulter is such an idiot.

Zenseeker said...

You are right on and have a fantastic sense of humor. I really admire how you approached this. This was my version, but I think your approach was better. My best and take care. Check out the Ann Coulter Flash game I made at

Ann Coulter Flash Game

The Quarter-LIfe Chronicler said...

I hear ya. I just blogged about Coulter. The scary thing is, even though she's crazy, she fascinates me. She has mastered the skills of rhetoric like few other pundits have. I know she's wrong. I hate what she says, but she's able to make her ideas sound less insane than they really are on a regular basis! Sure, her style is over-the-top, but it's written in such a confident manner that I always have to collect my thoughts to remember why she's wrong after reading one of her rants.

Anjali said...

Staci, this was truly a masterpiece. I will be reading it over and over again!

Anonymous said...

Even though I think Ann Coulter is primarily a book seller and folk like yourself are simply volunteering yourselves as bait for the Coulter trap, I still think that she has a goodly number of cogent thoughts in her books. If you don't like what she has to say then don't publicise it. She evidently believes the old adage that any publicity is good publicity.

Mom101 said...

I left you a comment there but I'll comment again - I have heard many rumors about her proported promiscuity, including one that's pretty damn believable from someone I trust. Let's just say that she's all about the bible-not-sanctioned sodomy.

Maybe when she says she's a "bible thumper," it's a euphemism?

Terror-Free Oil said...

"This Is War"
by Ann Coulter, September 12, 2001 - video

Anonymous said...

Uh, you forgot that in the survey mentioned, 13.2% answered "nonreligious". That's in the link you gave. Not a rocket scientist, huh...

Annie A. Petersen said...

Staci, your Ann Coulter piece is amazing and inspiring ...

Ann Coulter's an anorexic
She's mean because she's too lean.
No self control, her vitriole
is way beyond obscene.

A pathetic mess, no happiness,
so bereft of body fat and good nature, her rants and raves may be due to the craves for attention mom and dad never gave her.

Annie A. Petersen