It was my anniversary this week. Eight long… ahem, I mean wonderful years. (Really!) My sweet husband surprised me by having a dozen roses delivered to our house while he was at work. And to explain the occasion to my four-year-old, J, he and I looked through our wedding album. My mouth was saying, “And Mama and Daddy promised to love each other forever…blah blah blah…” But here’s what I was thinking, Just look at my fabulous arms! I mean they’re not so bad now… you know, under a big sweater or something. But there they were on my wedding day, bare, for all the world to see, and I didn’t even have to be embarrassed.
J didn’t seem to notice my arms or even my (glorious) flat stomach and half way through he shouted, “I wanna look at the pictures of me now!” So we moved on to his baby photo album. (I wish I could say he has a beautiful scrapbook, but I’m afraid if he wants one of those he’ll have to get a new mother first.) And he kept announcing things like, “Look! There I am sleeping in a laundry basket!” and “There I am covered in spaghetti!” To which I kept exclaiming, “Yes! And look how clean Mama’s house is! Can you believe it?”
Not only that, but shortly after his birth (when I would have had an excuse to be out of shape) I was pictured in jeans that no longer fit me.
So when I found a link on the San Francisco Mom blog to a quiz that would determine which of the Seven Deadly Sins I am, I couldn’t resist. I was sure I would be “pride” or at the very least “gluttony.” But… No. This was my ranking on the seven deadly sins (I left out the “angelic” option, because that’s just ridiculous.):
Lust at the top? Sloth at the very bottom? Really, something can’t be right in quiz land. Although I have to admit that if Sloth were a little higher and lust a little lower, I’d think it was pretty accurate.
I know the reason for sloth ending up in the wrong place. It was the question, “I would rather watch TV than do something productive.” And I answered “No,” because, generally, I would rather do just about anything than watch TV.
More accurate questions for me would have been:
“Do you just leave your clean laundry inside out when folding it in order to hurry up and have time to waste surfing the internet?”
“Do you have a propensity toward taking meaningless internet quizzes, while drinking a glass of wine, in order to put off working?”
“Do you sometimes get annoyed with your kids, not because what they did was wrong, but because they’ve created more work for you just as you poured your coffee and were getting ready to read a magazine?”
“Do you often choose to play Su Doku and eat candy instead of getting your fat butt on the treadmill?”
“Would you rather let your kids watch TV than take them to the park?”
Had those been the questions, the results would have been quite different. And, God forbid, if sloth were an actual sin, (as opposed to a vice that has the potential to cause someone to sin) a flashing neon sign would have appeared that said, “Go directly to Hell! Do not pass Go! Do not collect $200…”
But lust? I did admit on the quiz that being “sexy” is important to me. I also said that “looking good” is important to me. But I had to laugh as I was getting ready for bed last night (after having skipped my workout and eaten a bittersweet chocolate bar instead). As I put on a giant maxi pad, followed by my old flannel pajamas and my husband’s boot socks (Hey, my feet get cold!), I looked down and thought, Surely you can’t be serious that it’s important to you to look good and be sexy. Perhaps the more accurate answer would have been, “I’d sorta like to look good and be sexy, but not if it’s too much work.”
Ironically, the night before I found this quiz my husband and I had just discussed how gluttonous we are, how much food we let the kids waste, and how sickening that is in light of all the suffering in the world. Not that my buying less candy each week is going to save the world, but maybe it’ll be good for my soul. If not, it will certainly be good for my waistline (or what used to be my waistline anyway). So that’s my new diet plan… a little bit of strategically placed Catholic guilt. Being that I apparently struggle so much with pride and lust, you’d think gluttony would be easy to overcome. We’ll see.